If Theres No Cheese In A Cheese Sandwich, Its Basically Just Two Slices Of Bread.

You spend all fing week scrolling on Shein to find that frock, you get to the party and the first person you see, probably the host, is wearing the exact same frock. Or worse still, theirs is like the Versace version and yours is the sweat-shop knock-off version. I mean, FML. Its reputedly the actual reason Hitler invaded Poland, rather than the much repeated assertion that Mościcki told a poorly judged "your mum" joke. 

Also, my face when I flex a list no-one else has ever thought about.

Setting the Scene

To set the scene, I first painted a Rivendell swordsman back when I started this game in 2019. But never actually used them on the tabletop - I didn't have any 3d printed shields then, so they were rubbish. Now GW has spanked those who would have given someone a bow, spear and shield. So fast forward and the new book has arrived, and I sneakily find that I can take my favorites - THE LORD ELROND, his hot dorter, and a heap of my old plastique elves to fill up 600pts. That's right, this saltiness was nearly 6 years in the making. 

GW's "Fuck Tim" Implementation Matrix

You have to admire the plasmic nature of their data modelling. GW's release of the new edition has meant for some excellent thematic changes, however in a huge about turn, and nothing to do with their desire to shift boxes of old trolls or eagles, what legends held to be good and pure, whimsical lists taken by legends are now The Hot Shit, drooled over by the yootoobs and hoovered up by tryhards in their masses. Monster mash *BLAM* mirkwood rangers *BLAM* all my beloved lists (not Grey Company) are now positively the bloody meta. 

An actual meeting of GW Execs planning how to fuck me.

My knowledge now is porridge. Arwen is now great. Elf bows simply cannot have a spear. Thorins Company is not awful. Elf cloaks are wonderful. Army of the dead can move through walls. What next - trolls with flails? Its as if I have awoken in a strange new world where all my lists are now great, meaning I simply cannot use them.

Flex The List

So, the list is written. Its brilliant. I flex it in a private discord to find that its exactly the same as one someone else has already submitted. Its a slow-motion, action-replay in my head of the oof dial being turned up to 11. There's no time for an alternative. Just going to have to take it and my salty medicine. Only chance now for any glory is to bribe myself into winning most sporting - my salvation of being crowned Most Sporting by the least sporting methods. 

For those caring the list is:

The Lord Elrond, hoss.
Elf with banner
5 elves with shield
6 elves with spear and shield
6 elves with bow

The Tasty Arwen, hoss.
4 elves with bows
3 elves with shield and spear
3 vanilla elves

Three months ago that would be a plate of steaming dog doo. Now its bordering on cheese.

Word.